What do you do when your pet is ill and has to be ‘put to sleep’; or what happens when you can no longer take care of your pet and you have to find alternate care for him? It is important to remember that as a parent you know your child best and know how much information your child can handle. However, you should try not to underestimate your child by buying a ‘replacement’ pet to hide the truth that her pet has died. You should also remember that details are not necessary. A good rule of thumb is if your child does not ask, don’t tell them.  A young child may ask “why did Max die”? Replying “because he was very, very old and very, very sick” may be enough. When an older child inquires about Max’s death he may want to know many details of Max’s illness and may even inquire about why Max went to the Vet to die. If your pet is sick and must be “put to sleep”, make sure your child understands that your pet will not in fact be sleeping and that this is being done to save your pet from pain. This may be a good time to discuss your personal beliefs concerning death, if you deem your child old enough. Whatever you choose to discuss, keep it as simple as possible. If your child wants to know more, she will ask.If your pet can no longer live with you for whatever reason, explain to your child as clearly as possible that ‘Max’ needs certain things that you can not give him and he will be happier with so and so. Be careful not to blame ‘Max’’s behavior on having to leave.Another thing to be sensitive about is that your young child may not understand their pet- who may have been a member of the family for as long as they can remember- is any different than they are. Thus, it is important to be careful when saying terms like “put to sleep” or “getting rid of”. You do not want your child to be afraid that they too will be “put to sleep” if they are sick or you will “get rid of” them if they do something wrong.Be prepared to witness your child experience signs of grieving over the loss of her pet. There are 5 stages of grief that your child –or anyone- may experience. Not everyone experiences all five stages, but you will most likely recognize two of these stages in your child’s coping process. These may occur in any order (Kübler-Ross).1.      Denial

   Child refuses to believe that death or loss has occurred or will happen. 

2.      Anger

   Child expresses anger questioning the fairness of the event- asks why it is happening to them. This may manifest as increased temper tantrums or misbehavior- especially for children too young to understand why they are feeling angry.

3.      Bargaining

 Child tries to make a ‘deal’- appealing to parent: “let Max stay with us and I will clean my room every day and feed him and take him for walks”, or, appealing to god: “let Max get better and I will be very good and pray every day”

4.      Depression

Child feels sad and does not feel like playing or doing anything but think about their pet’s death

5.      Acceptance

 Child understands that even though they will miss their pet tremendously, and it is sad that their pet is no longer with them, things will be OK.

 Finally, if you have warning that your pet will not be returning, help your child say goodbye and express her feelings of loss. Do not ridicule them for crying or being sad or even depressed. Help or suggest to your child to make a card, draw a picture or find another way to say goodbye to her pet.    Kubler-Ross, E (1973) On Death and Dying, Routledge.